So, my whole life I've always had this twisted and somewhat distorted view of how I thought things would be for me as I grew older. I knew, from an early age, that I either wanted to be a professional baseball player or a professional musician when I grew up. I guess I'm batting at least 500. I never played professional baseball - but I guess you could say I am a professional musician....I mean, I get paid to play my guitar and hang out with students. Yes, I realize much more goes into what I do, but it's still not a bad gig. So, why am I not content? Why all this urgency to be different? Why do I feel like it's never enough - never good enough - never finished?
Our student ministry ("Fy-Dub" Student Ministries) has been going through this study on the Fruit of the Holy Spirit. While, I've done this study before (in a previous church), the Lord is revealing more and more to me about myself through this time going through it. Why? Why all of a sudden are my eyes being opened to reality a little more? I don't know. Perhaps I was never at a place where I felt I needed more love or joy, peace or patience, kindness or goodness, gentleness, faithfulness or self-control. Perhaps, at the time, the season I was in was a season of rejoicing or better yet, a season of basking in the glory revealed by the Holy Spirit of our Most Holy Lord, God, Almighty! Ah, wouldn't that have been awesome?
But, I don't think that's the case at all. I feel in my spirit that I have never truly experienced these fruits because of my own self-centeredness.......my own self-righteousness. I didn't experience an enlightenment because I didn't want to. I was so blinded by what I was doing for God. I was so blinded by my godly goals....so much so that I couldn't see His Godly desires and plans for me. See, it was all about me.....I this and I that and I can't or I did or whatever.
God calls us to a place where we understand ourselves through His perspective. It's taken all this time for me to see that. When one is called into ministry, one doesn't understand right from the start that it's truly God who lives in You who works all things out for His good. We get wrapped up in what we can do for Him! Well, no offense, but I'm pretty sure God doesn't need me for anything! He can do it all Himself. I'm simply a vessel He uses to get the job done. And that's an awesome place to be. That is a place of love. That is a place of joy. That is a place of peace. That is a place of patience. That is a place of kindness. A place of goodness. A place of gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.
Be blessed, ya'll....