An answer follows...

I love my wife! I love her for a million-and-one reasons. But, one big reason is because she knows me. She knows everything about me. She knows my tendencies. She knows my heart. She recognizes when I need to be comforted, when I need to be heard, when I am asking a serious question that needs answering, or when I am asking a rhetorical question. She knows when I need a firm "talking-to" and she knows when I need to be left alone. She knows me! How well do I know myself? I've been trying to figure that out all day. I can't explain "me" - but, I'll bet my wife could. I could tell you my likes, dislikes, wants, needs, etc.....but how well could I explain the "essence of Stephen"? How well could you explain the essence of you? Try that out.....it's pretty stinkin' difficult.

Having said all that, I have no answers for some of my many questions. Like, I said, I think about some pretty stupid things. Some things simply have no answers. But, then comes along someone with a pretty good handle on things and offers a suggestion that might lend itself to conclusion (or at least feel my flow). For example: a couple of days ago I was pondering the reason why I seem to try so hard to accomplish a task that I may not be meant to complete. I struggle with the tendency to keep going - when I feel like God is asking me to stop for a bit. One of my favorite people in the world commented and I felt it needed to be shared. The response goes as follows:

Reading this post got me to thinking about something I had read in this book today, Detox Your Spiritual Life in 40 Days. It was talking about the story of Elijah and how the queen Jezebel was out to kill him. Now Elijah was known for his great courage right?! Well in this case God told Elijah to "Run for it!" .... So the book goes on to say "But there are occasions when it is fine for a Christian to admit defeat and make an exit--times when stress has reduced our capacity to be useful for God, or times when so much has been asked of us that it has taken a physical or emotional toll. God doesn't call us to be successful in everything we do; he calls us to be obedient in everything we do."

This may or may not be an "answer" to my questions but it helps me know that other people have thought the same thing at one time or another. I definitely agree with the last line of this quote and I definitely think there is a season for everything under the sun....the Bible tells us that. But there are also times when God needs for us to stop what we are doing and reconcile ourselves to Him, surrendering to His will. Which is what I think the author of this book may be saying. I find myself not liking the word "defeat," though. There are times I feel defeated, but as believers, we are victorious. I agree, wholeheartedly, with what this author is saying (and I have to understand that I am only seeing a sample of this man's book). But that word kind of bothers me.

Anyway, I think that if we can somehow maintain the philosophy of "I may lose a battle or two, but the war is already won," then we may be able to retaliate on those feelings of utter despair when it seems like we are losing. In my case, I know I could make a great teacher....if it's what God wants from me. I could be a great worship minister....if it's what God wants from me. I could be anything.....if God wants me to be. But, I need to understand that, regardless of my "hard-shelled plans," nothing will happen if it is not the will of the Father. I can do nothing without Him.

Big "thank you" to Cassie for her comment.

Any thoughts?