Day #11,315

This may actually be the most depressing day I’ve ever had to endure…….and it ain’t over yet. Today, I have been in this world for 11,315 days. Sort of a big day, really. It’s wacky-ridiculous, though, when I look back at the previous ten-thousand and realize that I haven’t done anything I set out to do. Things change – granted; life happens – granted; changes occur – and there really isn’t anything you can do about it except accept them and shoulder on. But, in my human-ness, I really suck at over-analyzing the patterns I’ve rooted myself into by failing to clutch the chances I’ve had to really triumph magnificently in the face of adversity so that I could represent the masses who ever really dare to dream. In laymen’s terms, I wanted to be the success story.

My whole life it seems like I’ve been the underdog. I’ve always wanted to do great things for the Kingdom of God, for my family, for my wife and children. But, nothing ever comes easy for the Moad clan, trust me. If it wasn’t for bad luck – we wouldn’t have any…..just ask one of us. I try to live a Godly life. I‘m in the Word constantly. I fast, pray and fellowship with other believers….I’m on staff at a church for Pete’s sake (by the way….who is Pete?…..Have you ever thought about that?….I mean, seriously, I want to know who Pete is). Sometimes, it just seems like I can’t catch a break. But, the Lord knows best what needs to be done and I trust that – I just wish He’d warn me sometimes before I get myself into situations where my human-ness outweighs my spiritual sense.

Honestly, I was in a grocery store one day after church…….and there was this couple who were extremely ignorant about the here and now. Please understand, by saying ‘ignorant’ I’m not talking trash about them. To be ignorant simply means you are uninformed, or that you just don’t know. So, really, I’m taking up for them – when I probably could be justified by talking trash. But, my church (at the time) was very laid back as far as dress code – I had on shorts, flip-flops, and a sleeveless, tie-dyed shirt. I have earrings and tattoos….which aren’t all that uncommon these days……even in churches (for those of you who don’t know). Now, I consider myself to be a pretty cordial and nice person with a decent amount of discernment. However, the couple in front of me were quite bluntly disgusted by the fact that I was revealing a bit much about myself by showing tattoos and wearing earrings. Now, I know this disgusted them because the husband said to his wife (which, I probably wasn’t supposed to hear, but heard very plainly), “Look at that…….tattoos and earrings. Shoot, he needs to get to church.” So, at first, I was a little offended that they were…..well, offended – but decided to be the bigger person and nicely reply, “I’m assuming that’s where you guys just came from,” as they were dressed in their Sunday best. I was trying to make conversation to inform them that not all tattoo-ed people are heathens. The man looked at me, obviously surprised I had heard him, but even more disgusted that this pierced freak was trying to make contact with him and his wife (like I was an alien or something). Had it stopped there, it probably wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. But, the man came across so arrogant and disrespectful that I couldn’t contain myself. He replied to me, “As a matter of fact we did…..from the First blah-blah-blah-blah-blah Church of…” wherever it was. So, what I thought was done politely (with a hint of sarcasm, I’m sure), I said, “Well, you might ought to go back and repent, ‘cause the Bible clearly states ‘Judge not, lest ye be judged’.” They just looked at me all flabbergasted-like and watched me intently over their shoulders as they high-tailed it through the automatic doors of Wal-Mart. The nerve of those tattoo-ed freak-o’s. I mean, really.

I say all this because I’m not perfect. It’s taken eleven-thousand days of screwing up and making little mistakes and huge-massive mistakes to make me the person I am…..and I wanted (and still want) to be so much more. My whole life, it seems like people have had this mental image of what I’m supposed to be. People who know me and people who think they know me. Is that really fair? I mean….to think you know how someone needs to turn out in life? After I had graduated and returned from college to my home town, I had a teacher that told me they just knew I’d wind up in prison or on drugs. I can’t tell you the times I’ve had people comment in total-shock, “You’re a worship leader?” What gives a person the right to judge others? Who are they to judge me? Shouldn’t they be more focused on themselves? Is it fair to judge others? No….but then again, sometimes it’s needed to get you back on track. When it’s done right, of course. I guess my lesson for today, kids, is that “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.”

11,315 days so far and counting.

Be blessed
-Moad!