20/20 Vision

The old cliche "hindsight is always 20/20" is obviously a true and accurate statement (or else why would it be one of the most quoted statements in the history of cliches). But, just because something is true doesn't make it right, correct? For example, in the context of the statement, generally it's quoted because in retrospect you figure out you quite possibly could've done things differently, perhaps resulting in an entitrely different ending. But, if you think about it - should you be given a second chance at something - would you do it all over again? And if so, how? That being said, there are a lot of things I would like to do over. I'd like to fall in love with my wife all over again. I'd like to repeat my first two years of college. I'd like to possibly go back to high school (only the parts that I messed up - the rest I don't think I could stomach again). I'd like to re-learn how to tie my shoes (evidently I don't do the whole "bunny hop" thing - I figured that out as I was trying to teach my son how to tie his shoes and my wife gave me a look like "I can't believe you don't tie your shoes with the bunny hop rhyme" - apparently, I was neglected as a child). I'd like to repeat previous ministry opportunities. But, let's face it - they're not going to happen again........at least not in the same context as before. Therefore, my questions are......should it be said that hindsight is always 20/20? Or could it be rephrased a little more correctly? Because, really, when you look back at things, you're pretty much always going to find an area where you could've done things differently - but, given those same circumstances again, I'm not so sure you wouldn't make the same decision. Now, I could be totally wrong. But, I think the moral of the story here lies in another cliche: "If I only knew then what I know now." If that were the case, of course you could change things......or at least make a better attempt at doing the right thing to keep yourself out of the hospital after a night of binge-drinking and diving into a pool that was only five feet deep......waking up in a hospital in a neck brace and being in a wheel chair for the next eight weeks and then on crutches for another four. But, that's just one scenario. There are a lot more cases out there, I'm sure. But, if it were possible to go back and repeat a time in your life with the knowledge you now possess, why wouldn't you?



Just food for thought....

Last Saturday

We were finally able to make it to the coast for a day last Saturday. It was so awesome - and very much needed! It was the first time Eli had ever seen the ocean - his eyes were huge. Addy got to dip her toes in the Atlantic and Eli splashed and played, looking for seashells. Ashley and I got to just relax (even for just a little while) and take in such a vast panarama of unending water.......it was good.




Ashley and I have some friends who have a house on the beach about two and a half hours away. We drove down that morning and spent the afternoon playing in the water, then drove home that evening. It's nice to be that close to the ocean.

"Are you guys settling in?"

Is there really any way to truly settle in? If there is, I don't know it. I guess I feel like you should always be ready to go onto the next task. But, I see where the saying comes from: "Are you guys settling in?" For the most part we are......I mean, our bags are unpacked and we've hung pictures on our walls. But, our hearts and minds still long to be in the familiar.......the comfortable........our thoughts seem to always flow in the general direction of back home - gravitating unrelentlessly toward Arkansas. Don't get me wrong, North Carolina is fine. It has its really great parts (like being close to the ocean) and then it has its really not-so-great parts (honestly, I could name several - and I'm trying to stay positive - so I won't comment on that). But, settling in? I don't know about that.

See, to me, I guess I feel like "settling" means "to lessen" or be complacent when there's something better. Now, I could be totally wrong about this - and to some degree I hope I am. But, stay with me a moment. Complacenecy means contentment and I'm not 100% sure we should ever really be content with where we are in life, in our jobs, in our walks with Jesus. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we should always strive for something else. We should strive to be better at our jobs, or strive to live a better life (not monetarily or materially; but emotionally, physically and spiritually). We should strive to walk closer with Jesus and grow to know Him better and better everyday.

Contentment has its share of qualities, too, though. For example, my daughter Addyson is the most content little baby girl on the face of the planet. She only gets ticked when she's hungry or if she sees her mommy and mommy doesn't pick her up right away. Then it's on - and she doesn't want anything except her mommy to hold her. But, for the most part - she's content. That type of contentment is great; where you don't really need anything, just enjoying life, hanging out - no agenda, nothing to gain or lose. But, in the spiritual realm - am I like Addy? By that, I mean, am I good with everything in my life - except when I feel absent from my Heavenly Daddy? Am I fussing and crying because I'm not being held by the One who made me? The cool thing about that is that we serve a Papa who wants to hold us constantly. His deepest desire is for us to stretch out our hands and long for nothing but His embrace.

It's a great comparison, if you think about it (especially from my stand point, because I get to see it first hand). Picture it: this precious little baby girl is all subdued and calm - playing with her toys or chewing on Griffen - when she hears the front door open and in walks mommy. Now, at first, she sees her mommy from a distance and this huge smile crosses her face and she begins to chuckle in excitement at the thought of being in her mother's arms. Immediately she crawls as fast as her little chubby legs allow all the way to mom's feet. But, mom walks by to set her bags down. Well, that's simply unacceptable! WHAAAAAA! To the point of coughing and hacking, real tears, complete heart-break, bawling and bawling and bawling - until she feels the touch of her mommy's hands grab her and bring her up to her chest where Addy lays her head in exhaustion and exhilaration.

To me - the question shouldn't be aimed at whether one if "nesting" as if in one's home - but rather are you settling in to be content and complacent in the Lord? Technically, (and for those of who you who know me - you also know this about me - everything hinges on technicalities) settling has several meanings. For the purpose of this particular argument we'll use the "resting and nesting" meaning.

I said all that to preface this: If anything - I want to settle into the arms of my Heavenly Daddy - from whom all blessings flow, from whom the River of Life flows, from whom my manna will be provided, and from whom I have been formed and found beautifully and purposefully created. That's where I want to settle.

- The Moads (via NC)!

Rocky Mount, North Carolina

WOW! The Lord truly does work in some crazy-mysterious ways. My family and I are moving from our current residence in Arkansas 1100 miles East to Rocky Mount, North Carolina and accepting a full-time contemporary worship leader's position at First UMC/Rocky Mount. Completely unexpected and out from left field we have been moved by the Spirit to this area. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. On the one hand, I'm scared to death moving my family out of their comfort zone and familiarity (all the while knowing that "fear" doesn't come from the Lord) and on the other hand crazy-pumped about being able to bring the vision God gave us TWO YEARS AGO to life in a community that truly needs it.

July 5, 2006 my wife was in Dallas at a worship conference and I was at home with our son Eli. It was about 11:45 at night when I felt the Lord really speaking to me about worship and what it means to praise Him, how He needs and deserves to be praised and worshiped, and how we are commanded to praise and worship. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced and so I began writing as quickly as I could to capture it all and write it down. Around fifteen minutes later, my wife called from Dallas and said, "Stephen, I really feel like the Lord is speaking to me." So, I replied with, "Well, what did He say?" She began to recite basically everything I had written down.....almost verbatim. That, needless to say, was confirmation to us both that this is something the Lord is commanding us to do.

When she came home from the conference, we spent a few weeks in prayer and fasting and just really trying to seek the Lord's will in all of it. We then took it to our pastor at Heritage and he was pumped up about it. We were met with a lot of resistance when we tried to implement certain parts of it - and so we thought, "well, maybe right now isn't the time." So we waited. Little did we know where it was actually needed was in Rocky Mount, North Carolina. Holy COW!!!!

I could go on and on about the details of this move - but I won't. I'll save it for another blog. So, for those of you who actually read my blog - keep your eyes out for another installment of the life and times of the Moad clan coming soon! Until then "Bless Big and Be Blessed Big!"

-Moad!

Day #11,315

This may actually be the most depressing day I’ve ever had to endure…….and it ain’t over yet. Today, I have been in this world for 11,315 days. Sort of a big day, really. It’s wacky-ridiculous, though, when I look back at the previous ten-thousand and realize that I haven’t done anything I set out to do. Things change – granted; life happens – granted; changes occur – and there really isn’t anything you can do about it except accept them and shoulder on. But, in my human-ness, I really suck at over-analyzing the patterns I’ve rooted myself into by failing to clutch the chances I’ve had to really triumph magnificently in the face of adversity so that I could represent the masses who ever really dare to dream. In laymen’s terms, I wanted to be the success story.

My whole life it seems like I’ve been the underdog. I’ve always wanted to do great things for the Kingdom of God, for my family, for my wife and children. But, nothing ever comes easy for the Moad clan, trust me. If it wasn’t for bad luck – we wouldn’t have any…..just ask one of us. I try to live a Godly life. I‘m in the Word constantly. I fast, pray and fellowship with other believers….I’m on staff at a church for Pete’s sake (by the way….who is Pete?…..Have you ever thought about that?….I mean, seriously, I want to know who Pete is). Sometimes, it just seems like I can’t catch a break. But, the Lord knows best what needs to be done and I trust that – I just wish He’d warn me sometimes before I get myself into situations where my human-ness outweighs my spiritual sense.

Honestly, I was in a grocery store one day after church…….and there was this couple who were extremely ignorant about the here and now. Please understand, by saying ‘ignorant’ I’m not talking trash about them. To be ignorant simply means you are uninformed, or that you just don’t know. So, really, I’m taking up for them – when I probably could be justified by talking trash. But, my church (at the time) was very laid back as far as dress code – I had on shorts, flip-flops, and a sleeveless, tie-dyed shirt. I have earrings and tattoos….which aren’t all that uncommon these days……even in churches (for those of you who don’t know). Now, I consider myself to be a pretty cordial and nice person with a decent amount of discernment. However, the couple in front of me were quite bluntly disgusted by the fact that I was revealing a bit much about myself by showing tattoos and wearing earrings. Now, I know this disgusted them because the husband said to his wife (which, I probably wasn’t supposed to hear, but heard very plainly), “Look at that…….tattoos and earrings. Shoot, he needs to get to church.” So, at first, I was a little offended that they were…..well, offended – but decided to be the bigger person and nicely reply, “I’m assuming that’s where you guys just came from,” as they were dressed in their Sunday best. I was trying to make conversation to inform them that not all tattoo-ed people are heathens. The man looked at me, obviously surprised I had heard him, but even more disgusted that this pierced freak was trying to make contact with him and his wife (like I was an alien or something). Had it stopped there, it probably wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. But, the man came across so arrogant and disrespectful that I couldn’t contain myself. He replied to me, “As a matter of fact we did…..from the First blah-blah-blah-blah-blah Church of…” wherever it was. So, what I thought was done politely (with a hint of sarcasm, I’m sure), I said, “Well, you might ought to go back and repent, ‘cause the Bible clearly states ‘Judge not, lest ye be judged’.” They just looked at me all flabbergasted-like and watched me intently over their shoulders as they high-tailed it through the automatic doors of Wal-Mart. The nerve of those tattoo-ed freak-o’s. I mean, really.

I say all this because I’m not perfect. It’s taken eleven-thousand days of screwing up and making little mistakes and huge-massive mistakes to make me the person I am…..and I wanted (and still want) to be so much more. My whole life, it seems like people have had this mental image of what I’m supposed to be. People who know me and people who think they know me. Is that really fair? I mean….to think you know how someone needs to turn out in life? After I had graduated and returned from college to my home town, I had a teacher that told me they just knew I’d wind up in prison or on drugs. I can’t tell you the times I’ve had people comment in total-shock, “You’re a worship leader?” What gives a person the right to judge others? Who are they to judge me? Shouldn’t they be more focused on themselves? Is it fair to judge others? No….but then again, sometimes it’s needed to get you back on track. When it’s done right, of course. I guess my lesson for today, kids, is that “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.”

11,315 days so far and counting.

Be blessed
-Moad!

News....

We received some encouraging news about John......the doctors were able to get his kidneys to take the dialysis and he is beginning to show signs of improvment. Keep up the prayers, as this will truly be a long and rough road for Mary and him.



I also received an email from Clifford Mutwiri (one of my Kenyan brothers that was our foreman for our local crew we hired - mission trip). Our team leader John is trying to get Clifford a visa so that he can visit the U.S. and learn from John how to run and maintain the chicken house and hatchery we built for them. I'm excited because Clifford has never been outside of Kenya, let alone the U.S. So, it's going to be a great experience for him. I plan on having him come over and stay with us a few days, meet my wife and children and prayerfully get to play some music together (Clifford was learning to play the guitar when I was in Meru).



Another bit of info that I am excited about......a few months ago, I helped a guy I know with some vocals on his cd. What's awesome is that I was able to form a relationship with a record producer in the mix (no pun intended). Because Mark (the guy I recorded for) spoke so highly about some songs I had written, the producer gave me a really great price to record a cd full of original songs. So, I'm pretty stinkin' excited about that.



There's a lot going on - and a lot to be thankful for. I'll keep you updated on all proceedings.

-Moad!

That's my boy!

I love being a dad – I love it. My children are what I consider to be my crowning achievement. I realize I didn’t fly solo on the operation……I couldn’t have done it without the love and support of my wife and all (I mean, who else is going to give birth – I certainly can’t). But, of all the stupid stuff I’ve done and ridiculous mistakes I’ve made – I finally got something right. Of course, I give all the credit to that fact that my wife and I are truly blessed by God. But, man……seriously, my wife and I can make some pretty good looking kids.

I look at Eli – and he looks so much like me it’s sometimes scary. He’s much, much smarter than I was at his age. But, he’s more loving and compassionate. He does, however, have a bit of a behavior problem at the moment. But, I think all little boys go through that rambunctious, talking back, pushing the envelope phase where, as parents we want to pinch their little heads off. Yet, I still think boys should be boys. Let them be rambunctious. Let them play rough and be sweaty. Let them become enamored with superheroes. Who says they have to be perfectly well-behaved little gentlemen at five years old anyway? They’re just coming to grips with their own little universe.

If you think about it – it makes sense. Too many times, we (as parents) have this grand idea when we first find out we’re pregnant that “My son will be well-behaved, smart, dress well, and be the most popular child in his school.” It’s not until about two years later that you throw all that crap out the window and just pray you don’t kill him yourself. We get tired of running after them, cleaning mud off of them, telling them “no – don’t stick your hand in that,” or “would you please stop.” Eventually ( and sometimes it takes a while) you get to the point where you finally understand that this young man in front of you is his own little person. He has no personal agenda or plans for retirement. He has no preconceived notions or any idea of what he’s getting himself into. And granted, we want to protect our children the very best we can – but we have to understand that we won’t always be there for them in their time of need. We have to pray for them constantly that they will be the men of God they are supposed to be. But, (and this might sting a bit) God didn’t create men to be popular or dress well. He didn’t create men to go into any situation and just accept it. God created men (no offense, ladies) to provide by the sweat of their brow and to protect their families. He made us analytical and gutsy, fearlessly full of testosterone and adrenaline for a reason. So, let boys be boys. Let them run and jump, climb trees and be adrenaline junkies. It’s what they were created to do. But, let them do it within reason. Give them parameters without walls – boundaries without borders. But, more than anything….give them unfailing, unconditional love and support like there is no tomorrow.

My Eli – I am so proud of him it’s ridiculous. Not too long ago I remember spending what seemed to be forever just looking at him and watching him drink his Sprite and I was smitten – I mean, I am in deep “smit.” I love that boy! He never stops amazing me. That’s what parenthood is all about, I think. Doing the very best job you can to protect them – but letting them learn on their own some things we simply cannot teach them. Of course we make mistakes and they do, too. But what sweet lessons we can learn together if we’ll take the time to spend with them.


Be blessed,
-Moad!